Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Attention all Major League ballplayers, playing hard against the Yankees will no longer be tolerated!

After some no-name Tampa Bay Ray ran over some no-name Yankee player a few days ago, the Bronx Bombers took exception to anyone daring to challenge them, and they vowed revenge. Yesterday, during Round 2 of the epic Yankees-Rays brouhaha, that revenge took the form of Shelley “My Parents Really Wanted a Girl” Duncan.

By now, I’m sure everyone has seen the replay. Duncan did her best Pearl Harbor impression into the unsuspecting second baseman Akinori Iwamura. What made this dirty play even worse was when Duncan stood up and acted like (s)he didn’t do anything wrong. This chick is your typical, cheap-shot, idiotic, self-entitled Yankee. I expect this stuff from A-Rod, not from some moron that has done absolutely nothing in this league.

Thefoulline.com Quick Hits

  • The Red Sox released Doug Mirabelli today. How this one-trick pony has lasted in the league this long is beyond me. This guy hasn’t been able to hit his weight in average over the past several years. If the Sox are going to use a weak-hitting, defensive-minded backup catcher, make it one of the young kids. Jason Varitek needs to start grooming his heir.
  • Clay Buchholz is dating a Penthouse model. This just proves my theory that woman are attracted to dumb, lanky, goofy-looking men. She is in no way interested in his potential future earnings.
  • Bartolo Colon looked pretty good today. Two innings and 1 ER against the always-potent Tampa Bay Rays. Not a bad way to begin his epic comeback.
  • To be filed in the Talk Is Cheap folder: Coco Crisp vowed at the beginning of spring training that he would not be happy with being a backup outfielder and would win the starting centerfielder spot. Since this bold statement, Crisp has played in two spring training games. Thanks for totally killing your trade value.
  • In sad news today, the loyal thefoulline.com reader/contributor known as “the Canadian Yankee/Pirate fan” has suffered a serious injury. It appears that in an attempt to simultaneously cheer for his two favorite teams during the Yankees-Pirates game today, his head exploded. We all hope for a speedy recovery.

8 Responses to “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”

  1. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    Aki vs. Duncan in a Cage Match with special guest referee Billy Crystal. Set it up. Its a lock.

    Im calling a judo spinning heal kick knocking her head off, cleates and and all.

    Matt “Johnny Gomes for Champ” McLaughlin

  2. Anonymous Says:


  3. Spanky the YANKEE Says:


  4. Dave Says:

    This might be the stupidest thing I have ever read. Everyone is now dumber for reading it. Thanks for wasting our time.

  5. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    First of all to be quite to the point, the Red Sox have Seven World Series Titles. 26-7=19. I think even my imaginary sister could do that math seeing as how I dont actually have one. “Yankees Win, World Series.” Say this with an asian accent and it almost sounds like Mr Kahn from King of the Hill. Also, If I am not mistaken, had it not been for Massachusetts, nix the Civil War, we wouldnt even have a freakin country. Lexington and Concord. Look it up. All because some upstart Red Sox fan ancestors were pissed off at oppression from an Empire. Still holds true today. Dont argue history with the History Major. Try not to get a nose bleed in your attic, Im too busy sitting here in my One Story Floridian home thats all of 30 mins from 3 Major League teams right now for Spring Training, soon to be 4. Hows the snow. Hope you get a nice herniated disk in your back from shoveling it all, just lie to your grand children that its an old “Civil War” wound or something. But then again that would imply that A) you get laid and B) that you can reproduce. As for the Giants, I think that bandwagon is finally breaking down with all of the Jets fans pileing on, check under the tire, maybe Hoffa is there too, because I know thats the truth about all of you New Yorkers. You are the most fairweather of them all. Oh the Mets are in the Series, lets root for them because our Yankees couldnt make it from the AL, but wait, in 86, it was the Sox that made it. As for 2000, I think the New York population decreased by 25% because of all the heads exploding from deciding on whose band wagon to jump on. Oh I was also wondering. Do you follow basketball? Theres a team called the Knicks, I was wondering if youve ever heard of them or are they too far below .500 to be noticed by New Yorkers? I do believe that a Super Bowl apearence, A World Series win, A (3 months from now) NBA Title, and the Bruins making the playoffs ABOVE the Rangers in the playoffs qualifies us as kicking your ass right now. The only thing I find funny about this is, lets do a little math. New York has 2 baseball teams, 2 football teams, 1 basketball team and 2 hockey teams. That is 7 teams. We have 1 baseball, 1 football, 1 basketball, and 1 hockey team. That is 4. Still with me? If you have 7 teams shouldnt you have a greater chance of winning titles? But we are in the finals of the various sports. All in all I think if you approached this mental beatdown that I just laid on you with a hint of intelligence, you would come to understand that, New Englanders, we dont hate New York, just all the ignorant asshole fans who think they know anything about sports. That and we make more money in a year on average than 75% of New Yorkers.

    To quote the great Ron Burgundy, with a slight adendum (that means to change something), “(Red Sox Fans) are just smarter than (Yankees Fans). Their brains are only 1/3 the size. Its Science.”

  6. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    Oh I almost forgot.

    Matt “I think Spanky’s Head Just Exploded From Reading Actual English” McLaughlin

    btw, its called a comma. elipses are so junior high.

  7. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    Also he even mispelled Yankees. What a fan.

  8. Dave Says:

    Nice work Matt. This might be the best thing you’ve wrote on this site. This is saying something since you’ve wrote some really good things in the past. Something tells me, we aren’t going to hear from this idiot any time soon.
    As always…..thanks

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