What kind of psychopathic fantasy baseball league tells its members their draft positions six weeks before the actual draft? Who would want its members to have that much time to evaluate, contemplate, and salivate over their potential players? Who in their right mind would give ten of the most committed, fanatical, dedicated, and loyal fantasy team owners that much time to prepare?
We must be talking about thefoulline.com’s Seventh Annual Fantasy Baseball League!
It’s been an exciting offseason since the Yankeehaters removed the monkey from his back and won the championship. An offseason of the Red Sox cementing their place as America’s Team, multiple parades and festivals in my honor, and even a nicely written post by Dan “The #1 Rays Fan” were all fantastic and fully deserved! But, now it’s time to turn my focus to the 2014 season and try to go back to back.
Since Christmas, I have thrown myself into preparing for this season. I’ve read every article, player evaluation, sleeper, bust, hot rookie, and Top 400 list that ESPN, CBS, and the hundreds of fantasy experts on Twitter had to offer. My Sirius/XM radio has been to tuned to channel 87 for months, much to the chagrin of any passenger in my car. I had formulated my unflappable game plan consisting of just the right mix of fantasy studs, sleepers, and breakouts. I had my list of players that I was going to take. I was as ready as I could be. Once again, the Yankeehaters were playing chess, while everyone else was playing checkers! What could possibly go wrong?
Apparently, the other nine owners decided to do the same.
One quick sidebar I need to get off my chest. The CBS rankings consistently suck. That is a fact. But the level of suckiness of their rankings this year hit an all-time high of suck. It was damn near impossible to do a mock draft. Anywho, without further adieu, here’s thefoulline.com draft day diary.
You are… on the clock!
On the night of our draft, I always get to the draft room early. I have the draft opened up on my laptop, iPad and phone, just to prevent any technical difficulties from occurring, leaving me autodrafting Grady Sizemore. Oops, no offense Allan. As I’m waiting in the room, who should appear? It’s SportsmanMike! And he’s awake!! After sleeping through his 2013 draft, it was nice to see him here so early!
The October Boys have been in the league for three seasons, and have had the top pick twice. How this happens, I have no idea. The fantasy gods must like them. This year, outfield and third base were the shallowest of the positions. How convenient that the two best players on the planet are Mike Trout and Miguel Cabrera. Both great players, but Trout was the the no-brainer of all no-brainers and goes #1.
Speaking of no-brainers, Miggy goes to WillisBeTheYear at #2.
Everyone in the league knows of The Hammer’s affection for early round pitchers. This year he lucks out and gets some guy named Clayton Kershaw.
While sucking down Dan’s free WiFi, Allan breaks character and actually picks a hitter! And a great one too… Goldschmidt is a stud!
Prior to the draft, Chefdick was the one guy I hadn’t heard where he was leaning for his first pick. Chef is a really good player, and a bit of an enigma. I know he likes the Rays, so I was thinking Longoria, but McCutchen and Cano would be great picks as well. He’s the one guy I can’t really get a read on. Well, since he couldn’t log in, he made his picks throughout the draft quite predictable. Autodraft it is, and Wainwright goes a bit too early. Thanks CBS and your skewed rankings!
Pick 6 goes to the LBCs. She shocks the world and takes Joey Votto!! zzzzz… I still think it’s weird for a grown man to be called Joey, but I’m all for getting a stud first baseman.
After finding out my draft position six weeks ago, I literally contemplated for 35 seconds before deciding on Prince Fielder. I like big butts, and I cannot lie. I also like that he’s playing in a hitter’s park, with Adrian Beltre slugging behind him.
I know RedRays really well. He’s an original league member and one of my best friends in the world. If there’s one thing I know about Fergie, it’s that he ALWAYS grabs a hitter and a pitcher with his first two picks. Ferg snags another quality first baseman in Chris Davis. He will be taking a pitcher in round 2. Guaranteed.
After losing in the playoffs last year, RTCs tries to performance enhance his team with know juicer Ryan Braun. Could be a great pick.
The word on the street was that Mike was going to take a hitter and Yu Darvish with the 10 & 11 picks. A bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Mike absolutely steals Andrew McCutchen at 10, and confirms the rumors by taking Yu at 11. Nice start to the draft for Mike!
There are literally a million quality players that are available in Round 2. Ok, not literally, but there’s a lot. Going back to the beginning of this diary, I mentioned that elite outfielders were shallow. Once I settled on the fat man in Round 1, I knew I had to grab an OF in round two. This was tough, because it would mean that I would be passing up on guys like Longoria, Tulo, and Hanley, as well as a butt load of great pitching. What also made it difficult was that my love for Bryce Harper is probably the worst kept secret in the league. This led to a barrage of threatening texts from RedRays that he was going to take Harper right before me in round 2. But, everyone knows that RedRays always grabs pitching with one of his first two picks. I wasn’t that worried. (I can lie to myself now.) I know Dan had me pegged for Harper as well, but he was pretty upfront with me and guaranteed me that he was going Beltre or Longoria. Dan stayed true to his word and grabbed the always consistent Adrian Beltre.
This is where I started to sense that everyone in the league may have upped their games this year. Either that, or RedRays is confused and thinks Robinson Cano is now a pitcher. Either way, Ferg adds the best second baseman in the league, and I’m officially vexed. Fun fact: Fergie knows that Cano isn’t a pitcher.
I’m reunited with Bryce Harper with pick 14, and it feels so good!
LBCs makes a solid pick with Adam Jones, the elite 30 HR, 100 RBI guy, not the dirtbag from the NFL.
Chef autodrafts Justin Verlander. I don’t hate the pick, but I think an actual human being grabs a hitter here.
I begin to Believe the Hype a bit here, when he takes Evan Longoria. He’s got his corners covered by a combined 70 hr, 220 RBI pair. Not too shabby. One of these seasons, Longo is going to have that MVP year. I have a gut feeling it’s this year. Side note: I just barfed on my laptop.
Two things I know about Panda the Hammer. He loves pitchers, and he loves Red Sox players. I’m not surprised that he grabs Dustin Pedroia here. Pedroia played 159 games last year with a busted thumb. This season he’s healthy, and should have a return to some of his power numbers.
If there’s one guy in the league that scares me every year, it’s Willis. Sure, he’s set the league record with losses and crummy winning percentage the last couple of seasons, but he’s a crafty dude. He’s had a string of bad luck with injuries and sketchy trades. I think he’s locked and loaded this season. He adds Edwin Encarnacion to a team with Miggy already on the roster. Consider yourselves warned.
The two-headed Valentino monster is another team that concerns me. Dennis and Dave individually are baseball savants. Put them together, and they’re Good Will Hunting. I knew they wanted a pitcher in Round 2, and they had plenty of options. Scherzer, Lee, Price, and Jeremy Hellickson were all ripe for the taking. They go with King Felix, with a side of Troy Tulowitzki for picks 20 & 21. They now have the best player on the planet, the best shortstop in the league (until he misses six weeks with hair pain), and a top-five pitcher. The October Boys are looking tough.
In all of my prep work, I made the decision that I was taking a pitcher in Round 3. This is the earliest that I have ever taken pitching. This is partly due to wanting to grab an ace to anchor my staff, as well as the league trend to not load up on pitching early any more. (Autodrafting Chefdick excluded.) The good news for me is that there were several great starting pitchers left. The bad news is they were going quick.
After TOBs go Tulo with the first pick of Round 3, Willis told me that he went off script and panicked a little with his choice of Carlos Gonzalez. There were several top-line pitchers for his choosing, but he decided to add to his already potent offense.
And like clockwork, the next three picks are:
Believe the Hype: Lee
Cyborg Chefdick: Price
LBCs at this pick really liked Jose Fernandez, and planned on taking him here. But… with an elite bat like Hanley Ramirez sitting there, she couldn’t pass it up. She rolls the dice in hopes of grabbing a big arm in Round 4.
The Champion (I like to refer to myself in the third person) planned all along to draft Madison Bumgarner here. I was planning this for two reasons: 1. He’s a legit ace going at a reasonable price. 2. I know Dan likes him, and I was hoping to screw him over. When this pick came to me however, Strasburg was also available. I started to get that twinge in my gut that maybe I should go off plan and take him instead of the MadBum, but then I remembered that I’m the champion of the world for a reason, and I should always trust my gut. Fingers crossed.
RedRays has to take a pitcher here. RedRays has to take a pitcher here. RedRays has to take a pitcher here. RedRays takes Jose Bautista here. What the what!!?? The fantasy world is officially upside down. Fergie’s drafting only hitters. Cats and dogs are living together! It’s crazy town!
Rays Those Cowbells take the nicest guy in baseball, Freddie Freeman. Solid pick all day long. He may come in second in the NL MVP, after Bryce Harper.
There was another rumor going around where sportsmanMike wanted Jacoby Ellsbury with the 10th pick of the first round. Mike, obviously knowing more than the rest of us, waits until pick 30 to grab him. I think I liked Mike a lot better when he slept through the draft.
With only a couple of aces left, Mike takes the skinniest guy in the league, Chris Sale.
I made a note to myself that second base was deep this year, and not to draft one early, but I do like me some Jason Kipnis. Legit power & speed guy. This pick made me reminisce about the good old days, when Dan would harp to all of us about the need for a staff full of aces. Psst… hey Dan… you still don’t have a pitcher.
RedRays and his lucky Irish ass back into Stephen Strasburg. Fergie has drafted a pitcher!!
Did I mention yet that I thought outfield was shallow this year? Anywho, I really wanted Jay Bruce this year. I know he can drive H2H owners a bit crazy with his inconsistencies, but he’s 27 years old this year, batting cleanup. He’ll have Billy Hamilton in scoring position 150 times a year, and I like any player that has two first names. That’s enough for me to take him earlier than his ADP called for.
LBCs takes the last of the ace-type pitchers and 2014 Cy Young winner Jose Fernandez.
I started to chuckle when Mike Minor and his balky shoulder were autodrafted by Cyborg Chef. Who doesn’t check to see if they can log in to the draft room?!?
Allan believes in Jose Reyes. He’s a braver man than I.
Panda the Hammer is having a sneaky good draft. He takes possibly the most versatile player in the NL in Matt Carpenter. I don’t think Carpenter scores 126 runs again this season, but it’s hard to not like this pick.
WillisBeTheYear adds to his beer league softball lineup with another big bat. Yasiel Puig… you either love him or you hate him. I love him… on someone else’s team.
Here’s a fun fact: David Wright is really good. Here’s another fun fact: I’m starting to dislike The October Boys.
Rounds 5-10: It’s all going according to plan…
The October Boys: Tanaka, Santana, Wacha, Pujols, Matt Moore. I really like the Tanaka, Santana, and Wacha picks. This gives TOB a King Felix, Tanaka, Wacha for a 1, 2, 3. Solid. They might make us look stupid by grabbing a potentially rejuvenated Albert Pujols. I hate the Matt Moore pick. I think they had some better options, but they seem to know what they’re doing so maybe I’ll just shut the hell up. On second thought, nah. Moore sucks.
WillisBeTheYear: Stanton, Gio Gonzalez, David Ortiz, Cole Hamels, Ervin Santana. How the hell did Stanton last this long? This might be the year he puts it all together. Of course, with his surrounding lineup, I might intentionally walk him 200 times this season. Gio is not a bad choice for his first pitcher. He accidentally autodrafted Big Papi, but that guy is always on his team, so no big deal. I have faith in Hamels and Ervin Santana to be solid this year. Willis’s pitching is a little suspect, but his offense is ridiculous.
Panda the Hammer: Mauer, Zobrist, J.Upton, Lester, Hunter Pence. Panda just drafted the four whitest guys in the league, and Mr. April, Justin Upton. He got good value on all these guys, but I haven’t seen a group this white since the 1986 Boston Celtics.
Breaking News! We interrupt this diary to bring you the following trade. Believe the Hype and the Yankeehaters have agreed to trade Cliff Lee for Clay Buchholz & Allen Craig. Now back to our regularly scheduled draft day diary.
Believe the Hype: Posey, Grienke, Weaver, Myers, Dom Brown, CC Sabathia. It’s hard to argue when you land the best catcher in the draft. Posey will get a ton of ABs catching and playing first base. Dominic Brown needs to show that he can sustain his power numbers for an entire season. Wil Myers is a stud in the making, and I think Allan stole him in the 8th round, especially with all the Rays lovers in this league. I’m not crazy about the three pitchers, but they could all be useful. Chocolate Cake Sabathia looks determined to show that 2013 is a fluke, and he lost Julio Lugo’s bodyweight in the offseason, so that’s good.
Cyborg Chefdick: Latos, Kimbrel, Holland, Rios, Andrus. I’m trying my hardest to say something negative about these picks, because I’m still pissed that he autodrafted, but I can’t. Latos is a workhorse. Kimbrel and Holland are the two best closers. And he got great value with Rios and Andrus. Yay, autodraft.
Love Boat Captains: Choo, Bailey, Donaldson, Kinsler, Sanchez. I don’t even know what to say about the LBCs anymore. She hates the draft. She suffers through it. She does 1/100th of the prep I do. Then she has a run of picks like this. I’m not sure I like her anymore.
Yankeehaters (2013 champ): Desmond, Cobb, Prado, Craig, Gray, Carlos Gomez. I was targeting Ian Desmond as my shortstop. I think he’s the safest of the elite shortstops. He’s a 20/20 guy that doesn’t miss a day. I loved this pick. In every mock draft that I did, I was able to get James Shields as my #2 pitcher. This of course changed when that soulless jerk of a human being named Dan swiped him right in front of my nose. I settled on Alex Cobb, who I really like, but I really wanted Shields. Go to hell McKewen! Prado is a guy that put up great numbers last year, and I like his 4-position eligibility. And I know RedRays likes him, so I was trying to piss him off. I like Gray, and I’m counting on him being this year’s Matt Harvey. Craig was dealt to Allan a few hours ago so I’m sure he’ll win the MVP now. I think Carlos Gomez is the biggest dick on the planet, but I like the numbers he puts up, and I needed an outfielder.
RedRays: Holliday, Heyward, Cole, Alex Wood, Moustakas. Holliday is routinely under-appreciated, until he’s putting up 35 points against you when you’re playing against him. Heyward looked great last season batting out of the leadoff spot, until his jaw got busted. I think he has a good season. Of all the young pitchers, Wacha, Salazar, Ventura, Gray, Cingrani, etc., I think Cole has the nastiest stuff. I loved this pick for the RedRays. He got Wood a little early, but that’s always been a problem with Fergie. Hardy har har! RedRays was enamored with the numbers Moustakas has been putting up in the spring and is counting on them translating over to the regular season. I’m not sold.
Rays Those Cowbells: Teheren, Shields, Hosmer, Trumbo, Segura, Liriano. It pains me to compliment Dan for this stretch of his draft, but he friggin nailed it. Every one of these guys is a stud that he got at a good price. Of course, he sold his soul to the devil to get Shields, and I hope he burns in hell. Teheren is the real deal. Hosmer had a great second half of 2013 and has looked good in spring. Trumbo is going to destroy Chase Field with his 40-home run potential. I’m not sure how Segura lasted until Round 9. And Liriano carried me to a title last year. Go eff yourself Dan! (Nice job.)
sportsmanMike: Cain, Zimmermann, Adrian Gonzalez, Zimmerman, Chapman, Hardy. Well, apparently Mike is still awake. I think due to CBS issues, he auto drafted Cain and Zimmermann. It could have been a lot worse. Cain will bounce back this year, and Zimmermann is a workhorse. I loved the Chapman pick, until he tried to catch a baseball off his face. That’s a huge loss. I feel terrible for Mike. He’s been drafting well. I’m not a Gonzalez or Hardy fan, but those spots were getting thin, and those two will put up decent numbers.
Stay with me gang, we’re in the home stretch!
Picks I Love, Rounds 11-22
Round 11: Yordano Ventura by TOB. I think he was on everyone’s radar. These guys had the balls to grab him early. Chris Archer by RedRays. This kid is a fearless stud in the making. Brian McCann & Jonathan Lucroy by RTC and Mike. These are the two guys I was targeting.
Round 12: Justin Masterson by RTC. He was my next pick. Dan, you can suck it. Alex Gordon by RedRays. Gordon is solid, and in the 12th round it’s a bargain.
Round 13: Billy Hamilton TOB: I totally forgot about this guy. He may steal 200 bases. I feel shame. Danny Salazar by the RedRays. I’m sensing a theme here. Salazar throws easy 98-mph cheese. I have a man crush on him.
Round 14: This round is pretty blah. I took Buchholz, which pissed off Allan, which is always a highlight. Trading him today in a package for Cliff Lee is even better. I think Buchholz has a good season.
Round 15: Joe Nathan by Willis is great! Doug Fister by the LBCs. Fister scared a lot of people away with his elbow issue. If he bounces back, he’s the steal of the draft. Jedd Gyorko by Yankeehaters. This guy was my sleeper pick for the draft. Forget about my Danny Salazar man crush, I’m all in on Gyorko!
Round 16: This is another ugly round. I can’t get excited about anyone. Sorry!
Round 17: Nelson Cruz by Willis. This ‘roider will smash in Baltimore. Corey Kluber by Panda is a sneaky solid pick. The Rays have a knack for turning out great closers, Balfour to RTCs should be no exception. I meant to grab him here and accidentally picked Steve Cishek. Screw you, Dan!
Round 18: Brandon Phillips by Willis. Reports of Phillips’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. This proves my point about the depth at 2B.
Round 19: Salvador Perez by Willis. Perez will be a top-5 catcher this year. I really wish I waited on catcher!
Round 20: I would like the Brian Dozier pick by ChefDick, but he didn’t really make that choice, so screw it.
Round 21: Brandon Belt by Mike. This guy needs 550 at bats this year. If he gets them, he’ll rake. And no Dan, I’m not liking your Josh Johnson pick here! So suck it!
Are we done yet?
I usually do the same as above, but with the picks I really didn’t like. Let’s keep this positive, everyone worked really hard preparing and did a great job on the draft. Except for Chefdick of course.
In closing, I want to thank everyone for supporting the site and playing in OUR league again. I really do look forward to it every year. Let’s all try to remember that this is just a game. and that the important thing is to enjoy each other’s company, appreciate the baseball being played, have some friendly discussions, and keep the focus on the friendly competition. There’s a reason that this is the best fantasy baseball league around. We have ten owners that know their baseball and are savvy with their teams. Let’s make this the best year yet!
And now for the part you’ve been waiting for!
This was the most difficult prediction yet. Everyone drafted their faces off! But there can only be four.
Love Boat Captains
Rays Those Cowbells