George Steinbrenner’s mentally handicapped son and current Supervisor of Baseball Operations for the Yankees, Hank Steinbrenner, voiced his displeasure the other day to the New York Times “Play” magazine about the most popular fan base in all of sports. For those who missed it, Hank said: “Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans.” Hammerin’ Hank continued, “Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

Now, we’ve let Hank say his piece, and we hope that he feels pretty good about himself. But here at thefoulline.com we would like the opportunity to respond. First of all, Hank, you are a complete and utter jackass. I thought that your dad was a whackjob, but you have now earned the title of “Craziest Steinbrenner To Run a Baseball Team.”

The reason that ESPN televises more Sox games than Yankee games is that people want to see a winner play. Not a group of overpaid, aging, lying, steroid-enabling has-beens. America likes that Boston players keep their noses clean and stay out of the tabloids. This is a good thing for the game of baseball. Having twenty current and former players on the Mitchell Report, an adulterating third baseman and left fielder, and a tax evading shortstop on your roster, on the other hand, is not.

After Hank spouted his line of crap, younger brother Hal decided to add this little gem: “The defending World Series champions have a lot of talent, and [have] done very well the past few years, but let me put it this way: I don’t think [they] wanted to play us in the ALCS. So I will concede nothing. I think we’re better than [them].”

Well Hal, allow me to retort. Boston would have LOVED to play your team in the ALCS. Winning a World Series title is nice, embarrassing the Yankees in the process is even better. Your stellar lineup, with its seven-game playoff losing streak, scares no one. Add an inconsistent rotation, an unreliable bullpen, and the annual playoff choke-job known as Alex Rodriguez, and your team can count on another early exit next year.

The thing is, they may be right about the number of fans out there. But there is a huge difference between Yankee fans and Red Sox fans. Sox fans wear their hats and jackets all year long, regardless of their wins or losses. Yankee fans hide in their parents’ basements until their team starts to lead the division, and then they dust off their Yankee gear and reveal themselves as the obnoxious idiots that they are.

Hank and Hal, you are fortunate to live in the greatest nation in the world. Unfortunately for you, it goes by the name of RED SOX NATION. And I think it’s time you were deported.

Life as a New England sports fan has been so good lately, I’ve forgotten how bad crow tastes. Not so long ago, Boston was not the sports mecca that it is now. The Red Sox were perennial underachievers, the Celtics and the Bruins both sucked, and the Patriots were the underdog that suddenly won every important game. But in a cruel twist of fate, the sports world of a New Englander has done a 180. Now the Sox have won two World Series titles in four seasons, the Celtics are returning to glory with the additions of Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, and even the Bruins have regained the grittiness that was the staple of their glory years.

Which brings us to the Patriots.

After a season of dominating the league and breaking every offensive record in the NFL record books, the Pats had the opportunity for immortality. The chance for a perfect season. The chance to finally silence the old, crotchety bastards known as the 1972 Dolphins. The chance to be the first sports dynasty of the 21st century. Only this time, the Patriots looked over-matched, out-coached, out-muscled, and completely outplayed by the New York Giants. This was supposed to be a sure thing. I was thinking scores in the triple digits, Tom Coughlin stroking out on the sideline, Bill Belicheck smiling smugly in victory. Instead we witnessed Tom Brady doing his best Tony Romo impression, bringing his celebrity girlfriend to the biggest game in the history of the league. Has Brady not learned anything from Romo? It’s too hard to play a perfect game when you’re trying to impress your date. This is exactly the reason I never bring my supermodel girlfriend to work with me.

Now, I can take the Pats losing the Super Bowl. It’s not like they lost on a fluke play; they were dominated the entire game. New England was lucky to still be in it when Plaxico Burress caught the winning touchdown. What I am having trouble dealing with is the fact that it was a New York team that took the Patriots down.

This is our time to control the sports world. The Red Sox have made the Yankees their bitch the last couple of years, making them the second most important baseball team in New York. Now I have to put up with fair-weathered New York fans who are going to abandon their beloved Yankees to climb aboard the Giants bandwagon. If the Patriots had lost the Super Bowl to the Cowboys, Green Bay, or anyone else, I wouldn’t like it, but I would get over it a lot quicker then this. This feels like a simultaneous punch in the stomach along with finding out that your wife is sleeping around with Hank Steinbrenner. This one is going to take some time to get over.

My only salvation is knowing that the Pats have the 7th pick in the draft this year, which they’ll turn into nine draft picks that will totally revamp their aging defense. I do hope to see a repeat performance of this season’s offensive juggernaut next season, but something tells me that we may have seen the last days of Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth. I anticipate New England turning into a more run-oriented team and climbing onto the back of Laurence Maroney next year.

After a perfect regular season that was all for naught, I am going to try and take comfort in these three things: First of all, there are only two Manning brothers in the NFL, so there is no chance of a third Manning playing in the big game next year and winning the MVP. Secondly, there is a really good chance that some of the 1972 Dolphins are going to kick the bucket this year, so that will be a few less idiots to relive their glory days. And finally, pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in just 11 days.

If this isn’t enough to heal the wounds from the Super Bowl loss, remember… A-Rod still sucks.

Go Sox

The more things change in Major League Baseball, the more they stay the same. I know that it is still early in the offseason, but I can’t help but to be a little amused that the Yankees and the Red Sox haven’t made any new acquisitions. Both teams have elected to re-sign their own free agents and have resorted to pretty much put the same teams on the field as last season. Are both teams that content with last year’s lineups? Or is the free agent market that inflated with overpriced and overrated talent? Either way, I was expecting both teams to make some upgrades by now.

Looking at both teams, it’s obvious that the Yankees have more holes than the Sox. They have a lousy bullpen that features an overpriced and rapidly declining Mariano Rivera. They have a starting rotation that may be losing Andy Pettitte. Mix in big-game choker Chien-ming Wang and three unproven youngsters in Phillip Hughes, Ian Kennedy and Joba Chamberlain, and this may be the area of the biggest need for the Evil Empire. I have been impressed the last couple of seasons that the Yankees have given their farm system a chance to develop and have avoided trading these guys. Let’s see if this patience pays off for them. It could be long year (I hope) for the Yankees.

The Red Sox have some holes of their own. Although not as glaring as the Yankees, there are some needs to be addressed. First and foremost, the Red Sox infield appears to be locked in for the next three years. Youk, Pedroia, Lugo, and Lowell have proven that they play great defense and they make each other look better. The outfield of Drew, Ellsbury, and Manny looks good for next year, but this will be without a doubt Manny’s last year in Boston. The Sox are going to have to keep an eye open for someone to replace his offense. I have no idea who this could be, but I’m sure it will be addressed.

The biggest concerns for the Red Sox in 2008 are their bench and backup catcher. There is going to be some major overhaul here. I would keep Alex Cora since he can play several positions, even though he is an offensive liability. I would try to keep Bobby Kielty, since he hit the game winning home run in game four of the World Series, not to mention he is a switch hitter. I would use Coco Crisp to land a quality backup catcher that can learn from Jason Varitek and be his eventual replacement. Gerald Laird of the Rangers is a name that has been mentioned in possible trade for Coco, which I think makes sense for both teams.

Being a Red Sox fan/Yankee hater, I am content with the Red Sox keeping their World Series team together for a chance to defend their title. I am also really happy that the Yankees decided to re-sign perennial loser/team cancer/MVP Alex Rodriquez and keep the rest of the team as it was. This guy has shown that he can lose at every level of baseball. Mix in a lousy bullpen, tax evading shortstop, the league’s highest payroll, and two crazy owners for the price of one, and next year should be no different for New York, as they sit at home watching Boston win another title.

Sign #3 that your baseball team is new to the playoffs: Not allowing your fans to purchase tickets to the World Series.

What a great idea by Rockies management. They finally have a decent team and are playing in their first World Series, and they reward the fans by only “selling” tickets online. I should say trying to sell tickets online. The Rockies, in their infinite wisdom, didn’t prepare for more than seven fans getting on the computer at the same time in an attempt to buy tickets. So of course the whole system crashed. So, no tickets for you Rockies fan.

Here is a novel idea for the Rockies owners: Open the ticket box office at the stadium. This way, both of your fans that have been following the team all year can go to the game. Instead of spending all of your time coming up with your fantastic playoff slogan, learn how to sell a ticket. I realize that this is your first time in the playoffs and you might be a little unsure of the proper protocol, but at this rate, in the event you happen to make the playoffs again, there might not be any fans left to attend.

The New York Yankees announced today that George Steinbrenner is giving up control of the team to his sons Hank and Hal. Something tells me the apples didn’t fall too far from the tree. Hank’s first order of business was to announce Joba “the Hut” Chamberlain will be a starting pitcher next season. You read it right. Not re-signing Joe Torre. Not negotiating with the 2007 AL MVP. Not trying to re-sign Jorge Posada or Mariano Rivera. He decided to focus on a lard-ass rookie pitcher who gets unraveled when a few bugs fly around his head. Hank’s a chip off the old block.

With Steinbrenner getting older, I knew his time running the Yankees was coming to an end. I was disappointed I wasn’t going to see or hear from this whack job any more when his team starts losing games. And what does he do? He turns the team over to his two sons. If one nut job is good, then two nut jobs must be really good, right?

For some reason, I keep seeing this unfold in a Godfather-esque fashion. But instead of turning over the power to someone smart, ruthless, and powerful like Michael Corleone, George turns power over to Fredo, the dumb, no-common-sense imbecile. And we all know how it turned out for Fredo.

We may have seen the end to this once proud franchise. It now looks like the New York Yankees sleep with the fishes.

Here’s a Roger Clemens post from Dylan. I know that you’ll all enjoy it.
-Dave

I love icing on cakes, it’s so delicious, it takes something that is already so tasty and enjoyable, and just ups the ante. As I sat, watching the Yankees get swept out of the Playoffs after putting everything they had into the last few months of the season, I was happy. But, then someone spread on the icing. It was announced during the game, that if the Yankees had won, Roger Clemens would be sat for the rest of the playoffs and the always mean Ron Villone would take his spot.

Ron Villone? Are you serious? Who is Ron Villone? Well, he has just a little bit more experience in the bigs then Moonlight Graham did in Field of Dreams. He’s made a whopping two postseason appearances. I did the research on the guy, and I was actually somewhat impressed, for someone I haven’t heard too much from, his stats are, well decent. But this Rocket Roger Clemens, the “greatest” pitcher of all time, reduced to a run-of-the mill pitcher, replaced by a more run-of-the mill guy in Ron Burgundy or whatever his name was. Point I’m making is this, we have FINALLY seen the last of Clemens. The all time active leader in wins, strikeouts, crappy cell phone adds, and being a dirty money grabbing whore, is done for.

I picture Clemens as that older duck on Ducktales that swims in the giant pool of gold coins. I’ve been sick of this guy ever since he first signed with New York, but the past few seasons have been ridiculous. Not wanting to travel with the team, a bazillion dollars for the half season he was willing to pitch, and he still can’t buy a cell phone that doesn’t get dropped calls, the commercial sucked anyways. Clemens, you’re a sellout and a money grubbing non-team player. Here at thefoulline, we’d like to say farewell to old money bags. Watching Roger, the hope of the team after the all star break, be replaced in third inning of game three was great, but seeing Ron Villone replace him for the playoffs, well, Roger that’s one thing you can’t put a price tag on.

It is with great sadness that thefoulline.com announces the passing of the once proud New York Yankees franchise. The Yankees passed away at their home last night after a long struggle with what doctors have diagnosed as suckus maximus. At the time of their death they were 104 years old.

The Yankees have called Bronx, New York, home, although they have spent considerable time over the years in Boston, Cleveland, and Tampa Bay.

Through the past seven years, the Yankees have been in poor health. Even with the best personnel that money can buy, they have not been able to recover. I think we can all remember 2004, when the Yankees had a considerable choking episode. We all thought that the end was near. But, showing their resolve, the Yankees were able to battle back to lose in the first round of the playoffs the last three seasons.

The Yankees were active in the community, participating in noted public programs such as Take a Stripper to Work Day, and hosting 55,000 unemployed high school dropouts at Yankee Stadium 81 days a year. The Yankees have even allowed a mentally challenged man to run the franchise since 1972. They were true philanthropists.

The Yankees are survived by Melky Cabrera, Wilson Betemit, Ron Villone and Shelley Duncan.

There will be a viewing in Tampa, Florida, in February 2008. In lieu of flowers, family members are asking for donations to be made to:
The Roger Clemens Institute for Money Grubbing Whores
21 Traitor Way
Cash, TX 28,000,000

Webster’s Dictionary defines class as “high quality: elegance”.

I received an anonymous email from a grammatically challenged Yankee fan yesterday stating the following:

“The Red sox have a culture of losing -They are a perenially dirty , arrogant group of misfit losers that continually and historically underachieve. Their fans have the same mentality-Regardless if they advance or not- the Yankees are a much classier group of winners -GO YANKS!!!!”

Now I take anything a so-called Yankee fan says with a grain of salt. These are the biggest bunch of fair-weathered bandwagon jumpers you will find in all of sports. But I thought it was odd for someone to comment on a team being underachievers when they had just won their division a week before. Not to mention, when was the last time New York won the World Series? Shouldn’t $195 million guarantee a championship every year?

As far as the “dirty” comment, I admit that some of the Sox players are disheveled, with pine tar on their helmets and baggy pants. But I don’t think having pine tar on your helmets is any dirtier than having your all-star third baseman banging a stripper while his wife is at home taking care of their three-year-old daughter. But that’s just me.

On the subject of the Yankees being classier: Sure they look pretty in their pinstripes, with their perfectly coiffed hair and lack of facial stubble, but how classy is it when your owner tells the manager, right before one of the biggest games of the year, that he needs to win or he’s out. Joe Torre is dealing with enough pressure to turn his team around. He doesn’t need a whack job micro-manager on his case too. New York is more worried about what the package looks like on the outside than what the quality of the person is on the inside. When is the last time you’ve heard anything negative in the tabloids about the Red Sox ownership or players?

It’s not even worth getting into a debate with some Yankee fans. They have an “I’m better than you” attitude, and that’s never going to change.

But what do I know? I’m just a dirty, arrogant, underachieving, classless misfit loser. But I’m loyal, and I’ve never jumped on the winning bandwagon.

This whole thing leaves a sour taste in my mouth, like a bowl of rotten lemon Jell-o.

Dear Yankee fans,

I wanted to write a quick note to you all during your time of need. I know how hard it must be to get destroyed by a team you usually have success against. A 12-3 loss in a playoff game must be devastating. I don’t know if you will ever be able recover from this.

To make matters worse, this is the fifth playoff game your beloved Yankees have lost in row. It is so sad to see this once proud franchise struggling. Here is what concerns me: I fear that this might be just the beginning of the Yankee demise. After backing into the playoffs, your team is on the verge of losing such notable players as Alex Rodriguez, Mariano Rivera, and Jorge Posada to free-agency. I don’t see how losing these players could possibly help your situation.

I do have one great idea. I would make every attempt to re-sign Roger Clemens. This guy has been a rock for your ballclub this year, worth every penny of his $28 million salary. Even with his 6-6 record and 4.18 ERA, re-signing this guy needs to be a priority. It doesn’t matter that he’s 58 years old. Age shouldn’t matter. What matters is that this guy is still willing to pimp himself out to the highest bidder, even if his best days are long over.

I know Yankee fans support their team through the good times and the bad, and would never jump off the bandwagon in the their time of need. And with the Mets sucking almost as bad as the Yankees, where could a New Yorker possibly turn to in this desperate hour?

Here at thefoulline.com, I want you to know that we are here for you during your time of need. Since a World Series title seems like such an impossibility any time in the future, I thought maybe you could take a walk down memory lane, and talk about the Yankees’ 26 rings. Even though none have come in this decade, I can appreciate how reliable this argument is for you as a crutch.

I hope that you find comfort in this letter, and know that in the past your franchise was once great. But the time has come to take a long look into the mirror and say those nine words that will ease your sorrows: “I should have been born a Red Sox fan.”

Take care, and enjoy your rapidly approaching offseason.

Dave
thefoulline.com

I hate the New York Yankees. I’ve stated this countless times on this blog. I will never change this opinion.

After last night’s game, the Yankees could have gone to the nearest Tampa Bay orphanage and handed out milk and cookies to the kids and I would still despise them. Instead, New York decided to act like a bunch of idiots. After beating the Devil Rays and limping into the playoffs, the Yankees partied like it was 1999. For a storied franchise, winners of 26 World Series titles, to spray champagne and cry like a bunch of girls was pathetic. Was their only goal this season to back into the playoffs? Please tell me Joe Torre has more planned for this team.

I know of another AL East team that had clinched a playoff spot while playing Tampa recently. They celebrated by toasting each other with a glass of champagne. They know that this is not the end of the road, and that there will be more celebrating before this season is over.

I’m tired of Yankee fans spouting off about how New York has 26 rings and is the greatest franchise in sports.

It’s easy to say you’re the classiest. I think it’s time for the Yankees to start acting like it.