I love their 26 World Series rings. They’re so retro.

I love the supreme intelligence of Hank Steinbrenner.

I love the rules that they have in place for Joba. Next year he may get to pitch 12 innings.

I love pinstripes. They even make Don Zimmer look slim.

I love their professional grooming policy. Because everyone knows beards don’t win ballgames.

I love that they have a $200 million payroll. Because $190 million only buys 4th place.

I love that they made the playoffs for 13 consecutive years. I love even more that it won’t be 14.

I love the originality of the Yankee Universe.

I love Mantle, Gehrig, Ruth, Berra, Boone, Jeter and Bucky Effing Dent.

I love when Mariano Rivera comes on the field to “Enter Sandman.” Metallica is huge in Venezuela.

I love to watch Alex Rodriguez mash home runs, collect MVP awards, and cheat on his wife with skanky strippers and geriatric pop stars.

I love the Bronx. I can smell it from here.

I love Giambi’s mustache. It distracts from his fat ass and poor fielding percentage.

I love the Yankee fans’ passion, loyalty, and 3rd grade educations.

I love “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch at Yankee Stadium. It reminds me of the 4th of July, when they were still in contention.

I love Billy Crystal and Rudy Giuliani. They throw better than Johnny Damon.

I love that the Yankees pounded the Rays last night during game one of their series.

I love that the Yankees have the chance to play playoff spoiler this season.

I love the Yankees. At least until Thursday.

To my credit, I was talking about the Tampa Bay Rays, who for 10 miserable years have been described using phrases like league laughingstock, perennial loser and cellar dweller. Did anyone realistically think that this team was going to contend this year?  No one has ever doubted their young talent, but I was thinking a .500 record would have been a very successful year for these guys. Now it looks like they are going to win 100 games. Stephen King couldn’t have written this script.

Over the course of this season, I have watched this team find every conceivable way to pull out a victory. One night it’s a walk-off home run, the next night the opposing pitcher hits a Ray with the bases loaded to walk in the tying run. They lost arguably their two best players for a month, and they kept on winning. It borders on being surreal. They say that it’s better to be lucky than good. Unfortunately for Red Sox fans, this Rays team is both.

Tampa Bay had the best record in the league during Spring Training. Who cared? Those games don’t mean squat.

The Rays swept the defending World Champions early in the season… obviously a fluke.

The Rays lead the AL East at the All-Star break. Big deal, 82 games left to play.

The Tampa Bay Rays now have a five 1/2 game lead in the AL East with only 46 games remaining… Gulp.

Now of course, being a Red Sox fan, I am not willing to concede the division. There is still a lot of baseball left to be played, including six games against each other. I’m predicting that the Boston Red Sox will come back and win the division.

I have to be right once this season, right?

It’s important to remember that only the top four teams in the league make it to the postseason. With the trade deadline five days away and only three weeks left in the regular season, now is the time to improve your roster. Remember, the winning GM not only lays claim to the title of “Best Owner in the League,” but they will also be on the receiving end of the official thefoulline.com fantasy prize pack.

Here’s how the playoff picture is coming into focus.

Clinched a playoff berth:

Yankeehaters (14-5)
Being the only team above .500 in the weak West Division has assured team Yankeehater a spot in the final four. But before the champagne gets popped, they still have 96+ hours to make one final trade before the deadline.

So close to clinching they can taste it:

Love Boat Captains (13-6)
It would take an act of God for the LBC not to make the playoffs. This team may be the most consistent team in the league. Good luck to the team that faces them in the postseason.

Boston Braves (12-7)
These guys refuse to go away. Winners of three in a row, they just find ways to win. Will the two-start-pitcher game finally catch up to these guys?

Slumping… but still in the hunt:

The Showstoppers (11-8)
The once powerful Showstoppers have faded in the past four weeks. Matt McLaughlin has been dealing with a slew of injuries to his pitching staff. If he can make some deals for some quality pitching, he may be able to put some Ws in the win column.

So… you’re telling me there’s a chance?

lessthanzero (9-10), Chickenheads (9-10), Bostonbad boys (8-11), SarasotaRedRays (8-11)
It’s going to take a lot for one of these four to make the playoffs. They’re going to need to run the table and hope for a bunch of losses from the Boston Braves or The Showstoppers. I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but they are going to have their work cut out for them. I’m gonna go with the Bostonbad boys as the sleeper team that may sneak their way in.

Thanks for playing…

My Best Efforts (7-12), Roger’s syringe (4-15)
Is it just a coincidence that Dylan drafted both of these teams? To his credit, there is no way Dylan could have known that we couldn’t use seven shortstops on our rosters. Also, MBE has been decimated by injuries to his pitching staff. With that being said, I hope that these guys play for pride the next three weeks and play the role of spoiler. I anticipate a big turnaround for these two guys in year two of thefoulline.com fantasy league.

Good luck to all the teams.

I guess I was wrong.

Goodbye, Manny. Hello, Jason Bay!

Why trade arguably the greatest right handed hitter in Major League history? For starters, Manny has always been about Manny. He doesn’t care about the game of baseball. He doesn’t care about the fans, and he sure as hell doesn’t give a crap about his teammates. If he did he wouldn’t have put himself in this situation.

Boston has always been a blue-collar, hard working city that prides itself on supporting a baseball team that always plays hard and gives 100%. That’s why guys like Trot Nixon, Gabe Kapler and Dustin Pedroia are fan favorites. The fans put up with Manny’s laissez-faire attitude as long as we could, but eventually his act grew tired.

Manny was set up to be the sixth Red Sox player to have his number retired at Fenway Park. He was going to be the guy would tell our grandchildren about, the same way we heard stories about Ted Williams. Manny was that good.

But that wasn’t enough for Manny.

Manny thrived in the spotlight, and if it wasn’t shining on him, another version of Manny would appear. The Manny that pouted and pulled himself from the lineup. The Manny that would never play through the same pain that each and every one of his teammates were playing through during the course of a long season.
The Manny that called out management and quit on teammates.

Don’t think for a second that dealing Manny across the country is going to change anything. He’s still going to be the guy that doesn’t run out ground balls and flops around the outfield. How will Manny’s defense be now that he’s actually going to have to cover some ground, without a 37-foot-tall security blanket right behind him? How will Manny’s numbers be affected going from an offensive paradise at Fenway to the land of the long fly-ball out?

These questions are going to be answered sooner rather than later. Manny can now be Manny, for as long as he wants to.

I’m just glad I don’t have to watch it anymore.

I’m not sure that the Yankees have enough pitching to make a long run at the playoffs, but you can be certain that Hank Steinbrenner will mortgage the future at next week’s trade deadline to at least make it interesting.

Objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear.

Thefoulline.com Quick Hits

• I don’t know what Joba Chamberlain’s problem with Kevin Youkilis is, but if he hits Youk again tonight, I hope he gets his face smashed in with a Louisville Slugger.
• You can tell that autumn is here when the leaves change color, and you can tell it’s almost August when Manny Ramirez starts faking another injury. This season it’s his sore knee. It never fails.
• The attendance at Tropicana Field for the last two games for the Rays was about 12,000 and 16,000. That equates to 30.1% and 40% of total capacity. I know that it’s not the temperature in Florida that’s keeping them away. It’s always fair-weathered in the dome.
• Big Papi David Ortiz rejoins the Sox tonight after a long layoff. This might be the big move at the trade deadline that everyone has been hoping for.
• Speaking of the trading deadline… I really hope that Boston deals Manny to the Mets for prospects, takes those prospects and adds a top-line Red Sox prospect to the mix, and makes a deal for Matt Holliday. He would make people forget about Manny pretty damn quick.
• Playoff atmosphere at Fenway tonight, and there is no one better to have on the mound than the best big game pitcher in baseball, Josh Beckett.

Go Sox!

During this series with Minnesota, Boston won the first game 1-0. They rallied back from a three-run deficit to win the second game, and they had the blowout in the third game to cap the sweep. I know that one good series doesn’t make a season, but this could be a turning point for the Sox. They beat a very good team three times, in three very different ways. Boston is finally getting healthy, and this could be when we see the real Red Sox show up.

Thefoulline.com Quick Hits:

• Boston is 34-10 playing at Fenway and 21-29 on the road. Home field is going to be more important than ever this postseason.
• Some guy named Clay Buchholz is starting for Boston Friday night. I hope that he can do as well as some of the other young pitchers the Red Sox have used this year.
• Congrats to Evan Longoria for making the All Star team. It’s well deserved and is sure to be the first of many during his career.
• Speaking of the All Star game… Imagine, if you will, the 9th inning, the AL up by one run. Francona goes to the bullpen, the last All Star game in Yankee Stadium… and out comes Jonathan Papelbon. It won’t happen. But it would be awesome to stick it to the entire state of New York.
• Dustin Pedroia needs to be in the running for the MVP of the league.
• Vernon Wells of the Toronto Blue Jays is injured again and is expected to miss 4-6 weeks. It’s time for Toronto to concede the season and look towards next year.
• After dropping three in a row, and losing 13-2 to Cleveland as I write this, you know that the Rays are counting the minutes to the All Star break so they can regroup. This is just a bump in the road. They’ll be competitive all year long.
• Is A-Rod dating Madonna really newsworthy? Would this even be in the paper if the Yankees were relevant?

Teams are ranked in order of win/loss record:

YankeeHaters

After a crushing defeat to the Boston Braves this past week, confidence is running high for team YankeeHater. It feels good to finally beat a McLaughlin. I’ll need to avenge my other loss to The Showstoppers in a couple of weeks to really correct the universe, but a five-game lead in the West Division all but assures me a playoff berth.

Love Boat Captains

LBC made a big splash in the trade market this week, dealing Cy Young Award winner Brandon Webb for the always dangerous Albert Pujols. This team needed to improve their offense before the playoffs started, and she might need to make one more deal to add some more punch to her sometimes anemic offensive. Whether she makes another move or not, she’s playoff bound.

Boston Braves

After a humiliating defeat by the YankeeHaters and currently in the midst of a two-game losing streak, the Boston Braves are reeling. But this team has the players to turn this thing around and make a solid push to playoffs. Soriano and Oswalt should rejoin his team soon to add a boost.

The Showstoppers

A six-game winning streak? Is that even possible? The Showstoppers are chewing up teams and spitting them out right now. They have a tough game this week against the up-and-down Lessthanzero, and there is a three-way tie for first in the East Division. Of the three teams, The Showstoppers may be the most playoff ready.

SarasotaRedRays, Chickenheads, LessthanZero

These three teams have had an up-and-down season and are currently on the outside looking in. SRR has really struggled as of late, losing four games in a row. These guys may have peaked too early in the season, but they have the players to turn it around. Chickenheads is proving to be a legitimate threat, winning three in a row. They may have finally found the right combination to make a push towards the playoffs. LessthanZero is the one team of these three that can play spoiler. They’re a wild-card that has the potential to knock off the big boys. The injury bug has hit these guys recently, but they still can still make a big run at any time.

MyBestefforts, Bostonbad boys, Roger’s syringe

Thanks for playing. Three of the nicest owners in the league. Unfortunately, they fell behind the eight ball early in the season and have been unable to recover, although I still have hope that they can beat up on the McLaughlins before the playoffs start.

It was announced this morning that the Milwaukee Brewers have already made a huge splash in the trade market with the acquisition of C.C. Sabathia. And when I say it was a huge move, I mean gigantic. And when I say gigantic, I mean FAT.

Have you seen Chocolate Cake Sabathia lately? This dude gets fatter every time I see him. What was Brewers GM Doug Melvin thinking, bringing him to the land of bratwurst, cheese curds and dark beer? That’s like sending a diabetic to work for Willy Wonka. This part-time rental is not going to end well.

Sabathia is a great regular-season pitcher, with 19 wins and a Cy Young Award in 2007. But when Chunk-Butt pitches in October, his ERA climbs to an abysmal 7.17. Combine that with fellow lard-ass and big-game blower Eric Gagne closing games, and it’s good night Milwaukee.

My only question is this: Which will be higher, C.C.’s ERA, or his cholesterol?

Although I’d like to make the team entirely of Red Sox players, I’m going to try to be as impartial as possible, which means there may be a Ray or a Yankee on the team. Ugh!

American League

Catcher: Joe Mauer
Pencil him in for the next ten years.

First Base: Justin Morneau
This was a close race between Youkilis and Morneau. Both players have similar numbers. I just think Morneau is better.

Second Base: Dustin Pedroia
This guy is a great hitter and an under-appreciated defender. His defense gives him a slight edge over Ian Kinsler.

Third base: Alex Rodriguez
After a controversial week in the tabloids, this selection should soothe the Material Girl’s pain.

Shortstop: Michael Young
Sorry, Jeter. I know that this is the last year in Yankee Stadium, but Young is better than you.

Outfield: Josh Hamilton, Grady Sizemore, Carlos Quinton
There have been some great performances by AL outfielders during the first half of the season. These three have been the best.

Designated Hitter: Milton Bradley
Even with one arm, I think Big Papi should be the DH. But I’m afraid that Bradley will hunt me down and beat me to a pulp if he’s not picked.

Starting Pitcher: Cliff Lee
11-1, 2.26 ERA. Lee has been the biggest pitching surprise in the league.

Reserves:
Dioner Navarro C
Kevin Youkilis 1B
Ian Kinsler 2B
Brian Roberts 2B
Evan Longoria 3B
Derek Jeter SS
B.J. Upton OF
Nick Markakis OF
Ichiro Suzuki OF
J.D. Drew OF
Roy Halladay SP
Ervin Santana SP
James Shields SP
Justin Duchscherer SP
Joe Saunders SP
Gavin Floyd SP
Jon Lester SP
Jonathan Papelbon RP
Francisco Rodriguez RP
Mariano Rivera RP

National League

Catcher: Russell Martin
Martin is in a class by himself. Easily the best catcher in baseball.

First Base: Lance Berkman
After an amazing first half, Berkman is the NL MVP.

Second Base: Chase Utley
24 ding-dongs on the season so far. He has carried the Phillies.

Third base: Larry Jones
Grown men shouldn’t be called Chipper, even when they hit close to .400.

Shortstop: Hanley Ramirez
This guy makes the game look easy. He’s a lock for the next ten years.

Designated Hitter: Ryan Howard
I like that this guy will either strikeout or go yard. There is no in-between.

Outfield: Nate McLouth, Carlos Beltran, Ryan Braun
These three aren’t the biggest names in the National League, but they’ve been carrying their respective teams.

Starting Pitcher: Tim Lincecum
This kid weighs 120 pounds and throws 98 MPH. The fact that he’s 10-1 and is the lone bright spot on the Giants also helps.

Reserves:
Geovany Soto C
Brian McCann C
Adrian Gonzalez 1B
Derrek Lee 1B
Dan Uggla 2B
David Wright 3B
Jose Reyes SS
Miguel Tejada SS
Carlos Lee OF
Pat Burrell OF
Matt Holliday OF
Edinson Volquez SP
Brandon Webb SP
Dan Haren SP
Cole Hamels SP
Ben Sheets SP
Ryan Dempster SP
Kerry Wood RP
Jose Valverde RP
Brad Lidge RP

So there you have it, the official thefoulline.com 2008 All Star Team.