Like the Weather

Living in Southwest Florida, I’ve always felt that I should try and adopt the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays as my second favorite baseball team. After all, their tickets are cheap, parking is free, and they have a group of young players that could turn them into a winner in the years to come. But after attending today’s Red Sox-Rays game, I didn’t gain a newfound respect for this team. I found the complete opposite – disdain.

Just when I thought that the Yankees had the biggest fair-weathered fans around, here come the Rays to challenge them for the title. The Rays have sold out their stadium 10 times… ever. In past years, they couldn’t have filled the place even if they offered up free all-you-can-drink beer and the chance to play shortstop for the team. Even at the start of this season, the Rays were playing to half a stadium. But now that they’ve won a few games in a row, everyone and his sister are fans. And man, are they obnoxious.

For some stupid reason, instead of cheering when their team makes a good play, Rays fans ring cowbells. Why do they do this? I have no idea, but it sucks, and it irritates the hell out of me. Another thing that pisses me off is the ridiculous Rays fans that were talking smack like they just won a playoff game. The Rays just swept a team that was decimated by an Ebola-strength flu epidemic. They can stick their brooms up their asses. Let’s check out their record when the All-Star game rolls around.

Am I bitter that the Sox were just swept? Maybe a little.

Do I think that the Rays will challenge the Sox in the AL East this year? No way.

Are the Rays now public enemy #2 to Red Sox Nation South? Definitely!

Order of the Universe

George Steinbrenner’s mentally handicapped son and current Supervisor of Baseball Operations for the Yankees, Hank Steinbrenner, voiced his displeasure the other day to the New York Times “Play” magazine about the most popular fan base in all of sports. For those who missed it, Hank said: “Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans.” Hammerin’ Hank continued, “Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

Now, we’ve let Hank say his piece, and we hope that he feels pretty good about himself. But here at we would like the opportunity to respond. First of all, Hank, you are a complete and utter jackass. I thought that your dad was a whackjob, but you have now earned the title of “Craziest Steinbrenner To Run a Baseball Team.”

The reason that ESPN televises more Sox games than Yankee games is that people want to see a winner play. Not a group of overpaid, aging, lying, steroid-enabling has-beens. America likes that Boston players keep their noses clean and stay out of the tabloids. This is a good thing for the game of baseball. Having twenty current and former players on the Mitchell Report, an adulterating third baseman and left fielder, and a tax evading shortstop on your roster, on the other hand, is not.

After Hank spouted his line of crap, younger brother Hal decided to add this little gem: “The defending World Series champions have a lot of talent, and [have] done very well the past few years, but let me put it this way: I don’t think [they] wanted to play us in the ALCS. So I will concede nothing. I think we’re better than [them].”

Well Hal, allow me to retort. Boston would have LOVED to play your team in the ALCS. Winning a World Series title is nice, embarrassing the Yankees in the process is even better. Your stellar lineup, with its seven-game playoff losing streak, scares no one. Add an inconsistent rotation, an unreliable bullpen, and the annual playoff choke-job known as Alex Rodriguez, and your team can count on another early exit next year.

The thing is, they may be right about the number of fans out there. But there is a huge difference between Yankee fans and Red Sox fans. Sox fans wear their hats and jackets all year long, regardless of their wins or losses. Yankee fans hide in their parents’ basements until their team starts to lead the division, and then they dust off their Yankee gear and reveal themselves as the obnoxious idiots that they are.

Hank and Hal, you are fortunate to live in the greatest nation in the world. Unfortunately for you, it goes by the name of RED SOX NATION. And I think it’s time you were deported.