Cheater Man

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,
‘Til touch down brings me ’round again to find,
I’m not the man they think I am at home,
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man.

Elton John must have known something the rest of the baseball world didn’t when he wrote “Rocket Man.”

Two days ago, Roger Clemens was the greatest right-handed pitcher in Major League history. He is a seven-time Cy Young Award winner, has the record for striking out the most players in a game twice, and has won 354 games. Now he will forever be mentioned in the same breath as Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire as a cheater and a disgrace to the game. The Mitchell Report has been made official and has listed some of the biggest names in the sport as steroid users. An All-Star team could be fielded with the names on the report: Guys like Andy Petitte, Miguel Tejada, and Gary Sheffield were all named, but the most newsworthy name was obviously Clemens.

I guess I should have thought something was up when a 40-year-old man was still throwing 95 MPH and dominating the league, but Clemens was well known for his extensive and excruciating off-season workouts. Of course, being the money-grubbing liar that he is, Clemens denies the accusations, even though the guy that trained both Clemens and Petitte came forward and admitted injecting both players in the butt with steroids.

When the talk of players using steroids came up, it was generally thought that it was the power hitters using them, not the pitchers. Now it’s been reported that there are just as many pitchers as position players on the report.

If Barry Bonds is getting asterisks on his records, I think Clemens should also.

These guys have degraded America’s pastime. I think the only way that they ever see the inside of the Baseball Hall of Fame is if they buy a $10 ticket.

14 Responses to “Cheater Man”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    i heard thats not all he injected in thier butts

  2. Anonymous Says:

    As I read through the extensive pages of the Mitchell report, I am obviously surprised about the names mentioned. Then to my surprise I stubble on a name that I and others have whispered “Maybe it could be true.” It all makes sense now, Dylan Hamilton how could this guy be hitting these numbers in beer league slow pitch soft ball. The whispers are now out loud. “Come clean and admit you took it in the butt like Clemens and Petitte”

  3. Dave Says:

    I would like to reply to both of your comments. First of all, I was really surprised to see the Canadian Yankee fan taking a shot at his beloved Yankees. I was expecting you to come to their defense, hopefully you have come to your senses and realize that your team is a bunch of cheaters :). Secondly, Wista you will happy to know that at we do extensive drug testing on all of our employees. Now, I don’t know for sure if Dylan has ever taken it in the butt, I can assure you that he gets his raw softball power from a steady diet of Flintstone vitamins and Jane Fonda workout tapes. I hope that this clears things up. Thanks as always for commenting.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Wow how did you know it was me with the anoymous label up? Also my heart truly burns for the Pirates not the Yanks.

  5. Dave Says:

    Pirate fan,
    We have a super computer here at that tracks all of the traffic to the site. Plus, you’ve commented on enough of my posts, that I have your writing style figured out. Though, the fact that you’re coming clean about being a Pirate’s fan, that’s a bit of a curveball. Thanks as always for commenting.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    No, the Flinstones diet and Jane Fonda is not all that goes into my softball diet, there is a very healthy dose grit and determination that goes into a beer league, local, middle aged softball league, and I’ll be damned if the good name of such a great and pure pastime will be tarnished……If anyone wants a good laugh, I have two suggestions for you, one, the jets and patriots game this sunday and two, look back at Rocket Roger’s stats during his last years with the Red Sox, and then look at the staggering numbers he puts up when he gets to the Yankees, obviously steriod use.

    Dylan “For the first time in my life, I belief Jose Canseco” Hamilton

  7. Dave Says:

    What I thought was most the most interesting stat was when Clemens was 6-6 on the season, started the juice and won the next 14 games he pitched. But I might be reading too much into it.
    Also, I won’t be surprised to see the Pat’s score in triple digits tomorrow. Video tape that Mangini!

  8. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    Pirates fans? Who are they? They have fans?

    Yes yes it is the triumphant return of The Maticus. With finals and stuff, I went missing for a while. Now that all that unnessisary stuff is aside, its time for Baseball. The Mitchell Report at first I was skeptical. I figured it would turn into lawsuits and mumbo for the next 4 years. But something changed that today. And I am sad to say it was from Andy Pettitte, one of the I think it was 23 Yankees named, backing up and putting truth into the words of McNamee. Pettitte in clearing his conscience, may have condemed his long time friend Roger “The Rocket^* ” Clemens. The more guys that fess up the better the report looks. And for Pettitte to do so, was HUGE, he was one of the 4 top names in this thing. Clemens shot himself in the foot by jumping the gun and denying so quickly. Pettitte took down the Rocket* .

  9. Anonymous Says:

    I believe he shot himself in the rear Maticus-

  10. Dave Says:

    Welcome back Maticus,
    Who would have thought that Clemens right hand man would come clean like that. It’s hard for me to admit it, but Petitte is a pretty classy guy…for a cheating yankee.

  11. air jordans Says:

    red sux GO GIANTS

  12. Matt McLaughlin Says:

    Air Jordan, has nothing to do becides come on foulline and talk about a team that hasnt been relivant since their fluke run to a w.s. in the subpar national league. We speak in full sentences and use our big boy words here. Intelligence is strongly suggested.

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